Sorry for the lack of posts lately. I really actually don't know why I am apologizing because I don't think anyone reads this blog. I think the main reason I haven't been blogging is I have been battling with my own depression when it comes to my body. So heres what's been going on...
My stomach has definitely been expanding these past 7ish weeks. I haven't hit the 3rd trimester just yet, but my energy that was high for awhile is starting to plummet again. I've started taking naps in the afternoons, and needing some caffeine, usually in the form of a pop. My running has slowed immensely which makes me sad. Before getting pregnant, I would run between an 8-8:30 minute/mile pace. Now, I am lucky if I am running at a 10:00 minute mile pace, but its getting more toward 10:30 minutes/mile. I know I should be grateful that I am still able to run, but I miss my "speed". I have been thinking a lot lately about what its going to be like once the baby is born. I am not looking forward to not being able to excise for 6 weeks post delivery. I know I am going to desperately want to get my pre-baby body back, and not being able to exercise will be rough.
I want to start feeling more attached to my bump. I feel like I am constantly "hiding" my bump. Not just from other people, but from myself as well. I don't like to spend a lot of time looking in the mirror, and I hardly look at my bare bump, nor do I touch it much. With the exception of my 20 week bumpdate picture, the rest of them are clothed, which doesn't show my bump as well. I don't know if it is just me, but I feel like my bump looks weird. Its not cute and round like most women, I feel like it's kind of square looking. My belly button hasn't popped, which I am fine with! But it just looks so weird and wide and awkward. I think that my feelings toward my body are getting in the way of my happiness and excitement that my baby will actually be here in 13 weeks. I am going to try to be more at peace with my body and my bump these next few weeks in hopes of getting me to drum up more excitement for whats to come.
Don't get my wrong, I am so so so excited to meet this little girl that's been living inside me. But when I notice my stomach expanding, it makes me sad because I am missing my pre-pregnancy body. When in actuality, the expansion should get my more excited that she is just that much closer to being here. I am working on, but it's not easy...
She's been kicking a lot more lately which is pretty neat. There are times I can see the movement through my clothes. This weekend I have a 3D/4D ultrasound which is going to be awesome. I am so curious who she is going to look like! I hope she has my nose and Andrew's mouth :)
Tomorrow is my birthday. It sure doesn't feel like it this year. But this will be a very big year for me, this is the year that I become a mom!
Well I am starting to feel a bit overwhelmed right now about everything to come. I will try to update again soon.
