Today I am having a really rough time with my body image. When I got dressed this morning, I was wondering through the many pairs of jeans I have in my closet. I decided to wear a pair I hadn't worn for awhile. Well...they didn't fit. I got them up over my hips, but I couldn't button them. So I then tried another pair I hadn't worn in awhile. This pair used to be big on me so I thought it would be no problem. Well...I got them to fit and even button up. But after a few hours in them, I couldn't stand the pulling in the waist area so I changed to swear pants.
This is so frustrating. Like, I KNOW I am pregnant. I KNOW weight gain is part of this whole process. But I have such a hard time accepting this weight gain as part of MY body. I have a pair of maternity jeans, but I have yet to take the tags off. I know they will be a lot more comfortable, but I have a hard time accepting that I need them just yet. Especially because I really don't look pregnant yet. I just look like I have had a few too many donuts and my stomach is bloated. I really just want my belly to pop. The sooner I look pregnant, the sooner I will be able to accept that I don't fit into my clothes anymore. So needless to say, today has been full of tears.
Plus, last weekend I went running a couple times on the treadmill. Nothing super fast, I definitely slowed my pace, but I was feeling pretty good. However, since then, my left achilles tendon has been hurting. When you touch it, and then compare it to the right one, you can tell that it's really swollen. It also isn't moving fluidly, it feels like its catching as I point and flex my foot. It'a not killing me, but I know it will get worse if I don't rest it for awhile. Not being able to run right now is just adding to my body image issues. I'm icing it and using an ankle brace, so I hope it will heal quickly.
I am so fearful that once the baby is here, I won't be able to lose this weight I am gaining.
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